Feeling so troubled now!! *frust* You know how it feels like when you don’t have answers to a lot of things that seem very important in defining your life; such as career, relationship, family, studies, etc..etc.
I have a meeting this coming Friday morning and I have to figure out what I want to do, what I’m going to say, and what I really want for my career/life. The frustration and anxiety is building up because all these are happening a little too fast and I’m very ill prepared for it. All of sudden this is opportunity is being placed in front of me and I have to make a decision real soon. Problem is, I never thought about it. I never wanted it. I never even think about wanting it let alone imagine if I could possibly even handle it! But I have this major problem with myself where I find it hard to let go of something that is being offered to me. Plainly, I would call it greed! *arrgh*
Gosh, I don’t even know what to pray about it. Should I ask God if this is meant for me? Should I ask God to help me get through the meeting? (like maybe cancel it? or crash all the communication channels in the country??) Or Should I suggest that maybe I should just pretend that I don’t know about the meeting and let God set all the rightful settings and just go ala naturale to see if for some reason I’ll appear in office at the right time at the right moment to pick up the phone and have the right words to smoke my way through?? OMG!! I think this is driving me nuts!! 😦
*pulls hair* IDUNOWATODO!! 😦
To take or not to take? To do or not to do? Taking it up would also mean giving up a lot of things and it is definitely a HUGE risk that I may or may not be able to handle the consequences! Do I really want to go through this challenge?? Am I capable of handling the outcome?? What if I regret?? What if I screw up?? What if this is not what God wants me to do and I didn’t hear Him on time??
Oh goshhh… help me… 😦
Lord, You know exactly what decision will be made on Friday and I may not have any insights to Your great plans. But I pray that from this point on, I shall lay this thought to rest and not try to reason out all the possibilities/theories using my own men-rationale. Lord, please help me find the peace and assurance over this. Please help me find the wisdom to make this decision; the right words to say on Friday so that I won’t utter words that are displeasing or ungrateful. Father please take this into Your control for all I want is just to do Your will. I trust that if this is what You want me to do, You will make it possible. If it is not, You will immediately close the door and enable the discussion on Friday to end smoothly and pleasantly. All these I want to commit in Your name. Amen.