I’m having trouble concentrating. I can’t make decisions because my mind cannot stop flipping. I’m undecided of what I want to do and how to get it done. I’m hearing a lot of voices in my head telling me to do whatever that they may seemed to want get done. I’m losing track of time. I’m often confused between Thursday or Friday? Today or tomorrow? Did I do this a while ago or was it done a few days back? I’m so confused
Woke up very rudely by a horrible migraine last night at 3AM. 45 minutes of struggling to find a comfortable (or comforting) position to sleep; and I’m still curled up in agony with Mocha pressing firmly on my left eye. The pain was so excruciating I tried to relax my eyes and my forehead but none helped. I resorted to a 500mg Paracetamol and crawled back to bed with cold feet and hands. I prayed. But the pain still won’t go. I text to seek comfort only to be asked to go back to bed. What turf. As soon as the pain killer kicked in, I could finally taste the sweet taste of peace and comfort. I slept off right after.
Dreams of taking those long haul flights plus the transits in between to US. I still remember planning for Korean food at Palo Alto. I remember sending my mum off at the old airport (could almost remember the rubber carpet) and passing her a TV remote control to bring home. I remember taking those escalators; old & musky smelling carpets at those dimly lit corners of the airport. Eventually; we arrived in US and checked into the hotel. I remember asking my sister how long she’ll stay. She said maybe 2 days. 20 over freaking hours of flight and she’s staying 2 days. What turf.
I don’t remember taking any flights back. I’m stuck in between the timeline. I’m caught within the space of existence and non-existence.
I suddenly remember my conversation with Bibs two days ago.
Me: I think I want to go talk to a shrink
Bibs: What? A shrimp?
Me: *LOL* NO! A shrink! Why would I want to talk to a shrimp?
Yes. I think I want to talk to a shrink.
My depression is back.