In Desperation

I think 6 years is the max. In just 3 months and it’ll mark my 6.5 yrs in the same company, same industry 3 different bosses. Technically speaking, I have been in this company for 6.75 years, same industry, 2 different buildings and still 3 different bosses.

I don’t know how I did or have been doing it. I remember swearing I’ll never be back again when I left this place during my training days. I remember telling Aloysius that he’ll never ever see me in this grey building ever again – NO! No way I’m coming back! No! But I will miss the super clean, comfy & spacious toilet though..

Honestly…I think this is the farthest I can go. I’m watching myself career suiciding almost every day. I can’t concentrate. I’m unwilling to put in the effort. I couldn’t care less. I’m unable to accept or align to some unethical acts/decisions. I’m not able to make myself improve. C’mon..I’ve even come to the point where I’m slipping schedule, fail to deliver, frantically looking for excuses to bail myself out. Gosh! This is insane! This is not the same person that I know of! I have never allowed this to happen. I don’t commit unless I’m comfortable. I am a last-minute worker but I don’t let everything linger with no thoughts, no plans until the final moment to actually end up screwing up. This is far too traumatizing. Craps!

What am I going to do? Can they see I’m struggling? Can they tell I’m giving up? Could they hear my cry? I have been hinting. I have been searching. I have been confronting (or confronted). Can someone just tell me what I should do? Will he just answer my email and let me have a finite, concrete answer and get over with all these guessing games? Argh! Can God please talk into my ears so that I can hear You?! *screams*

It’s painful. It’s torturing. It’s abusing. It’s depressing.

I’m in desperation. Can You hear me?

5 thoughts on “In Desperation

    • Yikes!! I didnt know about YMC! That’s very fast…CMC or YMC…i dont think i’m made for that roles 😛 I’ll be poisoning either age groups 😛

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