Spent the last 1:17:52 watching the Christmas Eve 2008 service which Big Bird gave me a copy on DVD. Gosh..it brought back a lot of nice memories. Still remember a few days before Christmas were just filled with anxiety and prayers because of the long haul flights and the uncertain weather when you were traveling back. Still remember how Big Bird would sent out emails to the rest of the CG members to pray earnestly for your return so that we can all unite for Christmas; our very first complete Christmas together. And with God’s grace and mercy, you arrived home safely and unharmed; just on time to be our Santa Claus and most importantly, being there with me on Christmas.
As I watched the video, I revisited that emotional evening. Of thankfulness to God for seeing us through all the uncertainties that we were so worried about. Family acceptance, friends, spiritual growth, career change. I was swarmed in emotion plus the leaving of Ps J – the overwhelmed feeling that came through that night, that Christmas night. Even as I watched the video, I recalled how Small Bird often complained that she is very often left out of the video because someone cuts her out! *teehee* I guess that’s why last year she opted to be away from the stage and narrated from afar. Kudos to the visual tech who practiced and put in so much effort for the service. I know how much effort and how much stress she went through just to get everything right *hugs* You did well my dear!
As I watched the video, I really want to believe; I truly believe that each time the lens caught me; it was because you wanted to see me. It was because you thought of me and you wanted to peek at me through the lens. I really wish to believe that. But I hate to also think of how it has all ended up being. I still cry out to God and ask Him for guidance and for strength. I just need peace. I just need to heal.
I’m really thankful for falling sick this two days despite the pain and discomfort that I have to endure. I had a lot of time on my own and plenty of opportunities to just lay quietly in my dark room; no sound, no fan, no disturbance. Today, Lord brought us rain. PTL! In the midst of the rain, I wept again. Yes, I feel the pain from the fever and the loss. I feel it all. I prayed and I begged God for strength. I am pulling through. I just want listen to Him.
At times I’ll have trouble sleeping because of the aches and the distracting thoughts. But I have found a way to slowly lull myself to sleep. This song..
Anyways, I love the Christmas Eve DVD. Big Bird actually included the part where I did a peekaboo at the camera >.< but that kinda nicely wraps up the video ^_^ and puts a smile on my face 🙂
I’m thankful for Queen who is taking care of me – with food (lots of food for the sick) and for allowing me complete rest with no other forms of disturbance. You have to give it to your mum really for which other woman in your life really knows you better than your own mum? She always senses things when I don’t say it but it’s a good thing that these days, she no longer confronts and intrudes. I guess in that sense, we have established a form of trust and respect. Praise God for that. I’m glad I made the right choice. No one changes my priorities; you can live alone. I can’t. Because I know what love is and I have experienced love; and I will continue to experience love the way God gives it. Amen.