Spent the afternoon in church today for Choir practice and WAM meeting. I wasn’t able to focus entirely during choir today because I had so much in my head and emotionally I was just not doing too well. I guess I must have taken out a lot of energy to make peace with my emotion & thoughts about what had happened in the morning.
Spotted a tail-less lizard at the porch in church. Thought he dead, but hell no. He moved real fast!
But I felt much better after the first hour especially when Aunty EC sang her solo part and I was able to just shut out the distractions and really listened to the words. I was overwhelmed as my eyes followed through those words and touched by the tremendous meaning that comes from between those lines. Encouraged.
You left the feast for lonely bread. Is there no court arrayed to stand in wonder? What kind of king would leave the throne of heaven, To choose the worst the earth could give?
A crown of thorns, a lonely cross; What is the reason You should bear our sentence?…
…What kind of love will spend its life for sinners, And raise us up to reign with Him?
I am a sinner and He took me in; stand by me so faithfully. Provided, supported, comforted and forgave. I know He had not promised us a peaceful life on earth; but He has promised us an eternal life with Him in heaven. Why is it that Jesus could forgive all those who had betrayed Him even to His last breath, endured the pain and agony, but yet never gave up or disappointed His father. Why is it that I am showing signs of weakness? Why am I allowing anger and disappointment to overcome my faith & trust? I should not. I have no reasons to. When I heard those words sung beautifully by Aunty EC; I felt ashamed and tears welled up. I knew God was talking to me at that point. How could I walk into His house with a heavy laden heart and expect Him to believe that I entrust my entire life to Him? But our Father has demonstrated His grace and love despite all these. Regardless of how imperfect we are; He has been faithful, and perfect.
I am glad I was in church today. Just spending time with my brothers and sisters, singing of His greatness and wonders. Certainly, He is Son of the most High! Now, I know I’m being put in the midst of multiple challenges. Having to face and confront my weaknesses, my foes and my pain; I know I cannot handle this alone. Despite having to hold back those angry words and disappointment, I am in no position to fight for justice. There is only one justice; that’s before Him.
The rain was real heavy..
It’s been raining heavily since evening while we were at meeting. The weather makes things a little gloomy; but I’m glad God is allowing me this evening to sit quietly while He fills up the empty cup.
I felt like I could touch Heaven. I thought I could see God smiling down at me.