Betrayal

I have been withholding myself from doing this.  I hate the idea of having to praise God on one end and then to doubt God on another.  But I’m really hurting inside and almost at the verge of exploding.  I fear I cannot contain any longer and when that happens, I may just do or say things that I will regret forever. 

Lord, I have been pleading to You each and everyday.  Please remove this grudge, anger, disappointment and hurt inside me.  This major burden is really drowning me and I’m screaming silently inside.  Father, if I go on this way, I fear I’ll never be able to come before You and set myself free.  Please Father, see my struggle and pain; for I have no way to put them into words nor can I make any sense out of them.

My prayer to You heavenly Father,

Only You know this tremendous burden & struggle that I have in my heart.  Lord, I have been seeking You for help and freedom from all these rage & frustration.  I have from time to time fall in and out of our relationship, Lord.  I don’t want to stray from You again Father.  But I’ve come to a point where I wish I could just tell You that “I don’t care” and let it all out.  But You’ve sent me signs and warnings from time to time, telling me to be patient & reminding me that in all words or deed, do it in the name of You Lord.  Father, I cannot do this alone.  I have said my prayers a million times.  I have asked for the strength and the courage to forgive and to let go.  But Lord, I don’t know if it’s the devils or if it’s part of Your plans that all these have to keep coming back.  You assigned me to them, Father.  How could the same set of people who brought me up be the same set of people who have hurt me and yet still coming back with daggers & swords to stab me over and over again?  Lord, it hurts and I’m really suffocating now.  Teach me; talk to me; show me the way Lord.  Whisper into my ears Lord, open my eyes so I may see Lord.  I know I have failed You in many ways and I am of equal sinner.  But Lord, if You can forgive me, then please help me by giving me the strength to forgive them and help me to fix this.  Please…I beg you.  I just want to be free. 

Sisters, if you are reading this.  Please pray for me.  I am unable to speak of this and neither do I know who to turn to.  I am already falling deeper and deeper into the pit.  I just want to be set free from the sorrow and bitterness; vengeance and anger.  Please uphold me in prayers.  Thank you.

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